Sunday 18 March 2012

The 8 Teachers Challenge

Here in England I have a peculiar bunch of teachers. My American chummies are always asking me what the English school system and classes are like, so I thought I would use the intriguing personalities of my 8 teachers as a basis for making a boring subject such as school (ohgosh somebody get me chocolate NOW), a little less soul deteriorating.
So here we go folks!
For starters, you gotta know that in England, all the ordinary kids take what are called A Levels. When you are not ordinary, you go to a special school called Hogwarts which offers students an alternative form of schooling.

Unfortunately, I am here to tell you about A Levels, being the humdrum child that I am. They are a two year course, the first being what is called your AS year. (If you are at all interested, this stands for 'Advanced Subsidiary', if not, continue reading as if this sentence never existed!)
During your AS year, you study 4 subjects. For each subject, you have two separate classes with different teachers. This is where the teacher challenge comes in!!


Subject 1: Art. According to Roald Dahl my first art teacher is a witch that probably never made it to Hogwarts for reasons not otherwise specified. *Cough* She's mental! *Cough* The second takes on two personalities, the first of which is something similar to a manic ogre who has had it's earwax stew and onion harvest stolen - the source of it's ill-tempered confusion. The second is a spaced-out hippy who I think is kind, but one doesn't usually see that side so often, so it's not to be confirmed.
+   =   my teacher.

Subject 2: English. Teacher 1 is a sex fanatic if not an addict. I can't remember one class that didn't have "carnal embrace" embedded in it. Teacher 2 is a wise and cynical tortoise, trapped inside an aging man. I imagine that he takes his breaks to go puff on his pipe whilst grumbling to himself about how even some his A Level students are incapable of differentiating "you're" and "your".

Subject 3: Biology. One teacher is mostly identified by the student body as "Fish lips", one mention of anything about fish and he is off his tits about it.













My other Bio teacher knows the answer to EVERYTHING. Which I am very appreciative of. He says the answer to life is 42. Glad I got that sorted with early.

Subject 4: French. Here, my teachers are relatively normal. Unfortunately, they enjoy critising more than teaching sometimes... maybe you can sympathise?

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