Sunday 18 March 2012

The 8 Teachers Challenge

Here in England I have a peculiar bunch of teachers. My American chummies are always asking me what the English school system and classes are like, so I thought I would use the intriguing personalities of my 8 teachers as a basis for making a boring subject such as school (ohgosh somebody get me chocolate NOW), a little less soul deteriorating.
So here we go folks!
For starters, you gotta know that in England, all the ordinary kids take what are called A Levels. When you are not ordinary, you go to a special school called Hogwarts which offers students an alternative form of schooling.

Unfortunately, I am here to tell you about A Levels, being the humdrum child that I am. They are a two year course, the first being what is called your AS year. (If you are at all interested, this stands for 'Advanced Subsidiary', if not, continue reading as if this sentence never existed!)
During your AS year, you study 4 subjects. For each subject, you have two separate classes with different teachers. This is where the teacher challenge comes in!!


Subject 1: Art. According to Roald Dahl my first art teacher is a witch that probably never made it to Hogwarts for reasons not otherwise specified. *Cough* She's mental! *Cough* The second takes on two personalities, the first of which is something similar to a manic ogre who has had it's earwax stew and onion harvest stolen - the source of it's ill-tempered confusion. The second is a spaced-out hippy who I think is kind, but one doesn't usually see that side so often, so it's not to be confirmed.
+   =   my teacher.

Subject 2: English. Teacher 1 is a sex fanatic if not an addict. I can't remember one class that didn't have "carnal embrace" embedded in it. Teacher 2 is a wise and cynical tortoise, trapped inside an aging man. I imagine that he takes his breaks to go puff on his pipe whilst grumbling to himself about how even some his A Level students are incapable of differentiating "you're" and "your".

Subject 3: Biology. One teacher is mostly identified by the student body as "Fish lips", one mention of anything about fish and he is off his tits about it.













My other Bio teacher knows the answer to EVERYTHING. Which I am very appreciative of. He says the answer to life is 42. Glad I got that sorted with early.

Subject 4: French. Here, my teachers are relatively normal. Unfortunately, they enjoy critising more than teaching sometimes... maybe you can sympathise?

Thursday 8 March 2012

Think your UK slang is up to par?

Take the quiz!

How hipster is your English tongue?

Buenos dias mi americanos. Think you know the most to-date colloquialisms of the english culture? Test your knowledge now! You're looking for the most english piece of slang offered, not ordinary speak.It's all on the internet for the post-facepalms, but just in case you're one of those people who needs reminding... cheating is for CHUMPS! Ready for this? GOGOGO!

  1. When you see a piece of human eye-candy, you are most likely to label them as ______.

  2. a dime and a half
    bangable
    a fitty
    your one and only pimp-meister
    the mac daddy

  3. When approaching a friend or speaking to someone in passing you would commonly say...

  4. All right?
    Sup dude
    Okay, bro/love?
    Yeee buddy!
    nothing, a lil' bum spank does the job

  5. Someone or something has you reeeally annoyed you today. In expression, this is described as...

  6. Feeling frustrated with 'a burning passion'
    Making you incredibly aggro
    Pissing off your pigs
    A bit pants
    Getting on your tits

  7. You have got A LOT of mates. When bragging you might say you've got _____ mates!

  8. BAZILLIONS
    A TON
    HEAPS
    BARE
    WADS OF

  9. Been a real lucky day! You're feeling mighty _____ :D

  10. chuffed!
    chipper!
    jolly!
    gay!
    tickled!

  11. You're at a party, and admit it, you've drank faaar past your limit. What do you call yourself?

  12. Razorbladed
    Accidental
    Paraletic
    Ghostfacewasted
    Pregnant

  13. Spent last night finishing work up into the wee hours. This morning you are bloody _____.

  14. droopy
    tired
    pooped out
    weary
    knackered

  15. Going pub crawling with other possible interests regarding the opposite sex. You call this?

  16. checking out the senior centre
    tracking down some booty
    out and about, give a kick and a shout
    being on the lash/on the piss
    getting smashed/hammered

  17. :O Someone who goes around thinking he's cool by insulting people. "What a ____!"

  18. jerk
    twat
    meanie
    bumsteer
    crummy person

  19. Yep. Not surprised. You've skipped class again.. Tisk tisk!

  20. You skipped
    You avoided
    You lashed about
    You scooted home
    You skived

Well that's that! You've worked hard. Might want to wipe that sweat of the key board.